.. | exit running | chapter 9 Bastian stood in the doorway, silent while his partner sat on the edge of his bed, looking as if he was ready to pull his hair out. He looked so worn out. "Why do you let them get to you?" Bastian asked softly. "I should never have let them stay," Ramsey answered, as if he hadn't even heard the question. "I didn't know it would go this far-" His partner raised his eyebrows. "How far?" But Ramsey just shook his head. At his reticence, Bastian gave a frustrated sigh. He roused himself to rummage around in his dresser for clothes. "I'm going to go up to the station," he said shortly. "See what I can find out." Ramsey just watched him dress without a word. When Bastian went to leave, he finally raised his head and looked at his partner. "Sorry, Bastian," he said softly. Sorry for what? For not being able to tell him everything? About his wife and about himself, about Marlow and what that kid was putting him through? But Bastian only lingered in the doorway long enough to give a small, understanding smile. Then he was gone. Ramsey sat there for only a few moments longer before he forced himself to get up. His body ached in protest but they still should get out of here, before anything else happened. But as he turned, he caught Marlow standing in the doorway where Bastian had just been. The blond took a step in and closed the door behind him. Then came the audible click of the lock. The look on his face was hard and determined, so much so that Ramsey stopped himself in taking an involuntary step back. He couldn't be here with him, alone and isolated like this. Not now. "What happened to her, Ramsey?" Marlow asked suddenly with a slight lift of his chin. "Fuck off," the cop answered, regaining some of his control. But it was just a front. He felt trapped. Marlow advanced on him slowly, asking his question again. "Tell me," he said softly. He was getting closer and this time Ramsey did step back. "She died," the cop said. Marlow moved closer still. "How?" "Her plane crashed," Ramsey bit out, taking another few steps back until his heel hit the wall. They were face to face and Ramsey could go nowhere short of shoving the blond kid out of his path. It seemed his retreat always stopped at that point; why could he never do it? "I read your letters," Marlow revealed. "You should have been with her. Isn't that right?" Ramsey glared at him. "It's none of your business," he growled, his throat constricting with anger and emotion. But Marlow went on, leaning closer. "It's true isn't it? And you feel guilty," he said. "Stop," the cop hissed. It sounded almost like a plea. "That's what's been eating at you all this time; you should have been with her but you stayed to work-" "Stop it-" "-a job you hated-" "I said stop!" Marlow stared at him with a satisfied smile. This is what it would have to be, this anger, this torment. In those few moments of silence on the porch, he'd finally realized something of what Duchy had meant. That his lover had been right all along in his taunting of their host. That Ramsey would never open himself up. He would have to be slashed apart. "Why are you doing this?" Ramsey whispered in a hoarse voice. Marlow leaned close again. "It's the only way I can get to you," he whispered, falsely gentle for a moment. "I want you angry, I want you raw..." He trailed a hand up the cop's taut jaw and leaned to press his lips to his ear. Ramsey remained frozen where he was. "And I do want you to fuck me," he whispered. He pulled back just a bit to feel Ramsey's ragged breath on his cheek and catch the slight flush to his skin. The words had been remarkably easy to say; all he had to do was take Duchy's role for the moment. If this was how it had to be, if through rage and misery was the only way, so be it. He wanted it too much to care about his other desires. That would come later. He hoped. "I want it, Ramsey," he whispered, watching the cop's flush deepen and loving it. He himself was getting hard just hearing the words coming from his own lips. "And I want it hard-" He lashed out and hit the wall with his fist. "Slam me up against this wall and fuck me like a goddamn animal." He grabbed Ramsey's face in his hands, trapping him more. The look in the cop's eyes was one he would never forget. He was close, so close. "You’re so angry, so frustrated," he growled. Marlow pressed their bodies together, just as he had before, but now he had a growing need he knew the cop could feel against him. So close... Then he kissed him. Laid onslaught to the cop's mouth with all the passion that had been building since their first encounter. But it was quick. He pulled away before Ramsey could push him. Marlow could feel the cop trembling, backed up against the wall, his arm behind him for support. But the trembling wasn't fear or uneasiness anymore, rather it had suddenly started to feel like something else- barely controlled energy. He wanted Ramsey to let that go. Be violent and rough, quick and searing. He wanted to break down the barriers the man had been building up for years. "Let it go, Ramsey. No promises," he said softly, finally. "And no regrets." As soon as he'd spoken the words, the cop relinquished control. Before Marlow could even realize what was happening, Ramsey's mouth was on his once more, his tongue nearly down his throat, hands pulling roughly at his clothes. With frightening agility the cop spun Marlow around until his back hit the opposite wall with some force, knocking the air out of him but Marlow didn't care. He arched against the man, breathing, "Yes, unhh yes..." His fingers tangled in blond hair, so similar to his own. It was almost too much to believe, this mouth tearing at his, the feel of Ramsey's jaw flexing beneath his fingers. The rough confinement between the cop's body and the indifferent wall at his back. Somehow he found himself mostly freed from his clothing. Without releasing his mouth, Ramsey hiked him up against the wall, using it help him hold Marlow up with sheer arm strength. Marlow wrapped his legs around the cop's hips and his arms about that powerful neck. He was ready. Looking down into that icy blue gaze, wild now with passion, his hand strayed to smooth the cop's hair from his eyes. The gesture betrayed the harsh façade he'd put on, so much that Ramsey hesitated for a split second. "Come on, fuck me," he hissed, arching his hips. Showing him what to do. Marlow gasped when it happened, not so used to being the one getting fucked anymore. He hadn't actually done that since his days of trying to prove himself to Reika. And Ramsey was powerful and thick. Forceful. Marlow let out a guttural cry, knocking his head back against the wall before arching down again and burying his face against Ramsey's shoulder. With each stroke, Marlow murmured dirty things between clenched teeth, inciting the cop to be harder, more intense, more violent. Ramsey complied, though silencing him for the moment with his mouth. "Fuck me, fuck me," he chanted between strokes and his heavy breath, staring right into Ramsey's eyes as the cop answered his challenge. He liked the defiance in those eyes as he moved, liked how the cop held his gaze almost in a challenge of his own. How could it be that he'd had such power over the man only a few moments ago, and now- It was as if Ramsey had suddenly snapped back to the land of the living. He was awake. He was still alive after all. Marlow laughed dementedly as he captured the cop's mouth again. There was nothing like a good fuck to put one in mind of their own mortality. But he could feel when the need was approaching. Ramsey's body was taut against him, his movements barely controlled. Marlow wanted that power, and he wanted Ramsey to feel it, give it up. In the heat of the moment, he locked gazes with Ramsey again, challenging face to face. "Come inside me-" he whispered. The power became raw, and Marlow slammed his head back against the wall and didn't even feel it. He cried out and didn't care how loud. Marlow felt the moment Ramsey was about to come, when the energy flowing through that hard body had pulsed right into him, as if they were one being. Ramsey pressed his face to Marlow's collar, moaning, and bit down on his neck. Hard. Marlow was not far behind him. After tense moments of simply holding him there as they both tried to regain their breath, the cop let him down gently, not quite looking him in the eye. He was still almost completely dressed, and his face had begun to bead sweat. Marlow stood there for a moment, feeling the man inside him as if he were still there. He was aware of his body now, of its exhaustion and sore on his neck where he’d been bitten. But there were more important concerns than that. He was watching Ramsey straighten his clothes and back away, his eyes cast down and away. The heated moments had suddenly passed, leaving the man with a guilt and remorse that Marlow could just feel weighing down. That wasn't what he’d wanted to accomplish. He watched Ramsey sit down on the bed again and put his face in his hands. Marlow moved again. Now it was his turn. Before this was over, the cop would look him freely in the eye instead of looking ashamed of what he'd done. He knelt down in front of Ramsey and pushed his knees apart. The cop moved his hands away from his face to look at him with genuine surprise. Had he expected Marlow to just leave? Had he wanted him to? Without a word Marlow unbuttoned his shirt, starting at the bottom and moving up. With deliberate slowness, he slid it off the cop's shoulders and then moved to the already open fastening of his pants. He was still gazing up into Ramsey's eyes as his hands worked with easy, unhurried movements. "We're all human," Marlow mused. "Even me. Even you." Ramsey just gazed down at him, looking unsure and doubtful. Did he realize what Marlow planned to do to him? "Lie back," Marlow commanded in a soft, expectant voice. Should he have been surprised that the cop complied, however hesitantly? No, Marlow decided. Ramsey was his now, wholly his, just by the way he submitted and allowed him to slide the rest of his clothing off. He then propped himself up on his elbows to watch Marlow shed the rest of his own clothing that had lingered through their first encounter. "You see," Marlow said, naked now and leaning down to kiss his stomach. "Duchy doesn't understand what you and I know." He looked up the length of the body beneath him. "What is that?" the cop whispered. A response. Marlow smiled. "We know about love," he answered. "You more than me, but you hide it." He leaned down and kissed Ramsey's flat belly again, then trailed his lips over his hip bone. "He wouldn't know that this feels good-" he ran his hands up Ramsey's sides and down again, his touch feather light. "Or this." He licked both nipples in proving his point, loving on his body gently as a lover would. As he wished his lover would. Ramsey was breathing slowly through slightly parted lips, gazing down at him, his eyes becoming lazy with the sensations Marlow was making him feel. Marlow slid up his body, letting his weight down, finally pressing their bodies together without barriers, physical or mental. He kissed Ramsey's face gently, tenderly, avoiding his lips for the moment. "But I think you know what it feels like. I know you remember," he breathed. "I wanted to forget," Ramsey said hoarsely, turning his face away slightly. Marlow captured his lips anyway. "But I want to know," he reasoned, stopping to look seriously into the man's eyes. He'd just divulged his deepest secret but doubted Ramsey even realized how precious that was. And then suddenly, for the first time, Ramsey looked as if he was really there, really in the moment instead of doubting it. Hesitantly, he leaned up and kissed Marlow's lips. Perhaps he did realize it after all. Only a few hours had passed, but Marlow felt as if this night really was going to go on forever. He looked pensive as he stared out the window up at the stars. Behind him, Ramsey sat on the edge of the bed, drying his hair with a towel. They had made love in this room three times, once against the wall, twice on the very bed the cop sat on now with its mussed sheets and pillows askew. In those few precious hours it was as if nothing else existed, no one else existed. Cares were few and reserves fewer, and Marlow wondered if he’d ever experience such a night again. If only the night could have gone on forever, and if only he could stay right here to watch it. But there was much to be done. "Duchy once said that this city has no hope," Marlow said suddenly. His voice was soft, thoughtful. He turned to look at Ramsey. "That no one believes that it's going to get better and no one remembers when it used to be better, if it ever was." Ramsey looked at him but said nothing. Marlow went to stand between the cop's knees and gently began to dry his hair for him. The cops hands rested on his hips, a surprising gesture. "In this place murder isn't even a big thing anymore," Marlow continued. "If someone gets killed, it's less work for you guys, right?" He looked down into cool blue eyes. "Things like gambling, drugs and flesh-pushing matter more. You can still track that sort of thing. See? No hope. Just acceptance." Ramsey still remained silent and let Marlow absently rub his head with the towel. "Do you have hope, Ramsey?" Marlow asked softly. After a moment, the cop shook his head. "I used to," he answered. Marlow chuckled softly and knelt in front of him. "Then why do you do what you do?" Ramsey's eyes were half obscured by his wet bangs and the towel that still hung over his head, but that didn't lessen their brilliance. He had no answer for Marlow. At this, the kid smirked. "You do. You do still hope," Marlow said. "And you do still care." Ramsey stood up and threw the towel back into the bathroom. His hair was shaggy in a beautiful, disheveled way. Marlow watched the play of muscles beneath his skin, a vision only marred by the fading red tracks his fingernails had left. He smiled to himself. "Caring in the way you mean would require emotion. First rule is to keep that out of the job," Ramsey pointed out, going to rummage through Bastian's drawers for clean clothes. In his voice Marlow could hear that Ramsey quite realized the irony of their conversation. Marlow stood up, distracted again by the sight of the man standing there, his skin still moist and damp, with nothing but a towel about his waist. "But emotion requires feeling," Marlow reasoned, advancing up behind him. He wrapped his arms firmly around Ramsey's waist and rested his cheek to the man's hot shoulder and put his lips to his ear. "And I know that you can still feel." With an self-conscious grunt, Ramsey gently shook him off to continue dressing. Marlow smiled, but it faded. He moved to get himself dressed. "Do me a favor, would you?" he said after a few silent moments. Ramsey turned to look at him, detecting the tone of solemnity in his voice. Marlow sat to tie his boots. "Watch Duchy for me? Just for a little while?" Ramsey's eyes narrowed in suspicion. "Marlow-" The blond kid stood up. "I have to finish it," he said softly, watching the cop shake his head. "It's not your fight, Ramsey," he asserted. Ramsey raised cynical eyebrows. "Then it's you against the world, is it?" Marlow flashed him a brilliant smile. "It's never been any other way." His smile faded. "Really, Ramsey," he said. "It's best if I go alone. I know that place better than anyone." Ramsey looked skeptical as Marlow went to gather and check his weaponry. Finally, he was ready. He had to get moving. "But Duchy won't understand," he continued, coming to stand in front of the cop again. "He has to stay here. If something were to go wrong-" Ramsey suddenly left him and went to dig around in the pile of his clothes on the floor. "Here, as a backup," he said, slapping his own issue into Marlow's hand. "Sight's a little low, but otherwise sound." Marlow was about to refuse the gun, but Ramsey stared him down, his old reserve and confidence having returned. "I'll want this back, understand?" he said. "Or I'll hunt you down for robbery if nothing else. You bring it back to me." Marlow smiled, weighing the gun in his hand. He tucked it securely in his belt against the small of his back. They stood in silence until Marlow leaned up and kissed him, slightly surprised that it took only a moment before Ramsey kissed back. "Live a long time, Val Ramsey," he said softly against his lips. Then he backed off, giving a last lop-sided smile. After that he was gone. "Until we meet again," Ramsey said to the empty room. part 10 | back to part 8 | back to main